If you aren't willing to accept what I wrote, then DON'T read it. It's that simple.
Grow up and stop acting like you're still in high school. No one cares if you think I'm stupid for thinking like this.
For those of you who likes to spread rumors and assume things, this is for you.
I can't control your mouths but I can tell the world the truth.
You wanted to know what went wrong, now you can read all about it.
Every story has two sides to it, if you're mature and smart enough, you will accept both sides.
I wrote this on my blog a while back, but I'm constantly hearing questions about this.
So here it is to the world.
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Last chance, if you can't handle the truth and accept my thoughts,
DON'T read it.
Hit the back button and go onto another page.
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I can’t say that I’m not mad at him. I can’t say that I’ll ignore him and just make him disappear from my life. He’s still going to be a friend, a close friend, and I think that’s what I want. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, After a short period of being paranoid, I’ve trusted him 100%. Maybe that was too much. I can’t be with a person who hides his feelings away from me for 3 months, and then decide to tell me when I come back from a trip. I can’t be with a person who gives me a cold shoulder whenever he wants nor can I be with a person who won’t give what I need as well. It’s a big sea out there, and though I may not be pretty or skinny or like one of those girls that every guy wishes for, I will try and wait for the one that truly loves and appreciates me. One who comforts and trusts me like I will to him. I’m not saying that I’m just going to sit there but at least I will try. What Eva said was very true, it was still his first relationship and I hope that because I’m his first girlfriend, he has learned a lot. But what he really needs to learn is trust. Trust is hard to build, and easy to shatter. If there is no trust, why bother.I take your phone NOT because I want to check your text messages. It’s because of the photos that we took together. I smile when I look at them because you took the time and energy to even keep photos of us/me. I felt special.
What good will it do for me if I actually found unfaithful things on your phone? Will that make me happier? No. For all of you guys who keeps on thinking that your gf is checking on you, she's probably not. It's painful and stupid to do such a thing. It gives us no advantage over the relationship. All we want is your trust. We trust you, so trust us back. We are faithful towards you, so please be faithful towards us. We keep our promises, so please keep the promises that you made towards us. We care for you, so please,, even if it's really hard and "un- manly" for you to show that you care,, at least hint it to us. Small acts of care and affection are what makes a big majority of us happy. We're simple.. yet you think that we are complicated.
If I wanted to check your stuff, I know your facebook/email/msn/computer password. Why haven’t I once asked you to lend your computer to me for an hour to use? I couldof hacked in all your stuff, you say that I’m not computer smart but don’t you ever underestimate me. I just can’t believe that while I was trying my best not to suspect you and not to check on your personal stuff,, you were suspecting me of checking on you. Before, long time ago, when I always asked where you were and what you were doing, it wasn’t because I want to know your every move and suspecting you, I just want to know if you were safe and how you were. I just can’t believe it. I can’t stop shaking my head in disappointment. It’s pathetic, really. I can’t believe that you fed me constant love and comfort in a month„ and then take it all away like taking candy from a baby. I can’t believe that I actually let that happen.
I can’t believe that you would doubt yourself so much and listen to your friends whodon’t know me more than trusting and listening to your girlfriend whom you have known to a level that is way beyond theirs.
I can’t believe that while I was thinking that I was the happiest and luckiest girl, it was all a lie. I was in a scheme. A plan. I shouldof known. I shouldof stuck to my gut feelings, but no, I didn’t. And now I’m the one who’s in pain and tears. I can’t believe this. No matter how much I want to believe that this is happening, I can’t believe that the guy who did this to me, was also the guy who went out of his ways, rejected his brother’s comments, loved me and changed my perspective about guys.I just can’t believe this without constantly shaking my head and asking myself “is this really true? Is he actually doing this to me?” I can’t stop these tears but this hurts me more than anything. More than my first boyfriend cheating on me, more than rumor spread about me, more than being called disgusting and a pig, more than my family leaving me, more than not being able to succeed in school. The feeling of being not trusted is hell. The thought of yourself being in an illusion for most of the time is hell. So why am I still crying over you? I don’t know. I haven’t cried this hard. I hate this. I need to delete your old texts, old conversations, things that gave me hope.We will still hang out on the 20th. I need to do something before I go.Maybe I will take on my parents offer and leave. I don’t know. But first things first, I need to concentrate and study. I’m glad that I really found out what is happening.. and that it wiped all my horrible gut feelings and thoughts of you leaving me on my birthday, thoughts of you leaving me when I go and thoughts of you being unfaithful. I can't believe that you were planning to break up with my on my birthday.. I’ve learned a lot from this. I’ve actually learned a lot from the two whom I thought were the ones who loved me. I hope the next one will trust me, love me, care for me, comfort me, hopefully commit to me and understand me. Though that’s very vague, a girl can dream. =]I’ve had a really good time, I wish that I could relive March of 2010 over and over again. I never had such a great time. I woke up hearing from you, I fall asleep hearing from you. You went to school with me, you put my head on your shoulders so that I can replace the sleep that I have lost, you supported me when I thought that I was going to fail school and you protected me from your brothers. I can’t say that those were lies. I know that you meant it.. in that time period. I miss it when you wanted me to hug you, when you would kiss my on my head, when you say “lan fun juu, sor juu ho gwa ju lei ar!” That’s what I miss the most.
But airplanes aren’t shooting stars, 11:11 wishes don’t come true, there is no wishing potion in the world, the wishing well is probably filled up with pollution from human beings and that there is no point in sitting there and wish for something that involves another person. In order for the world to move, we must move. I must move.
I’m sorry if I have stripped you away from your brothers. And I’m sorry if I have taken away your desires to do “single” things. You’re still young. I understand. That is why I won’t rage at you nor will I ignore you. I’ll think about this clearly.I hope that I won’t regret this.But knowing that we’ll still be close friends is a plus.I’m scared of being lied to and not trusted.Thank you J for giving me a wonderful time and teaching me more things about life. I treasure your advice and I will look up to you when it comes to advising.
I hope you can keep the last promise that you made to me. thxx
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Thanks for reading, I do not wish that I would be hated on for posting this, but the rumors hurt.
I would love to be one of those people who truly do not care about those rumors, but I'm not one of them.
I have my life, You have yours.
Grow up!!!
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